Get Pre-Marital Counseling

As I approach my 13th wedding anniversary, I find myself becoming very reflective of the years that have past by. I think of the highs and lows in my relationship. The sacrifices we’ve made for each other; huge blow out arguments; the uncontrollable laughing spells; the serious heart felt conversations that have lasted until the wee hours of the mornings; the mumbles and grumbles under our breathe over the same disagreements that have lasted the span of our relationship; the many road trips; the births of our children; hugs that make you want to melt into the other; just so many memories.

After reflecting, I began to wonder and marvel why we are still very much in love. There are many reasons why we are still in love, but one very important one is preparation. We prepared by seeking premarital counseling. We had brief secular counseling and extensive spiritual counseling before we committed to marriage. Our counseling was not just a formality. It was real. In fact, our wedding was postponed as a result of issues that were unearthed during counseling. Obviously, we were able to work through our issues, and get approval from our spiritual counselor to move forward with our wedding, but without that experience I do not think we would have made it this far.

Lots of couples discount the importance of premarital counseling, but it is very helpful. In my opinion, premarital counseling with a couple of which neither party has been divorced is the best kind. To be counseled by a couple as opposed to an individual, gives new couples an opportunity to model another union until they establish themselves.

My personal preference to have non-divorced couples is not shared by all, but I think that marriage is so challenging that it is best to take advice from people who have been successful at being a partner rather than those who speak from “theory.”

Seek the help of a spiritual leader and his/her spouse, a marriage counseling couple, or perhaps a premarital retreat before going to the alter. Counseling encourages couples to think deeply about each other’s personalities, preferences, futures, and pasts. Couples usually walk away with a deeper sense of commitment, but sometimes very serious issues, which could lead to disaster, are highlighted.

If either party is reluctant to go to counseling, try reading books together about relationships and discuss your feelings about them first, then consider counseling again. It really works!

Brooke Brimm has a Master's degree in Professional Counseling and 8 years of experience in the field of Human Science. She has been married since 1993 and has two beautiful daughters. Ms. Brimm authors an ezine, Loves Gumbo, in which she discusses love, relationships, and friendships in today's society. To join email: lovesgumbo@comcast.net

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